It’s funny how losing a few kgs can affect us in so many ways. I’ve lost so little in the grand scheme of things, but I have gained so much as well in terms of positive changes and growth. We can get so stagnant when we are unhappy with ourselves.
We feel unworthy, unloved, ungrateful. We hide behind our unhappiness and our layers and allow ourselves to stick our heads in the sand. Let’s face it, none of us got this way because we were being honest with ourselves and looking at the facts. We all denied reality, blamed it on someone else, made excuses, bought bigger clothes and tried to tell ourselves that the clothes are a smaller fit, the tag didn’t matter. That’s not the healthy, strong, proactive mindset of a woman in control of her life. That’s the weak-willed, pushover, victim mindset of a woman in the passenger seat, who’ll never really get the most out of life.
I no longer want to be that woman. I have wasted a bit of time, and I guess I did that for reasons that were right at the time – but I will not keep doing it. Once we wake up and look at the facts as they are, we can begin to change the things we no longer like. I am not just changing what I eat, I’m changing how think, how I respond to my emotions, how I react to others around me. I think a lot of it is about being the one who makes the choices, instead of having choices foisted upon you, or allowing yourself to be pushed and pulled around by circumstances, people, emotions.
When I go to a party, I am not forced to put food in my mouth, I can choose what suits me and I find other things to do when I’ve eaten enough. On a weekend, I do not have to ruin my week because I’m going out, I can make smart choices and still enjoy the atmosphere of my surroundings. In front of the TV, I don’t have to eat the chips my husband pulls out, I can think about the meal I just ate and have a cup of orange tea. Learning to be in control again, after so many years of giving in to every whim and fancy, is not easy. But it’s worth it. I am in control of my body and thoughts, they are not in control of me.
This journey is so worth it. I’m glad I’m doing it now – I’m so glad I didn’t put it off any longer and waste more time. It’s hard, sure – it’s frustrating, definitely – but it’s so rewarding, and I’m not going to stop until I’m done.